The Laws of Gossip

The Laws of Gossip The word gossip originates from god-sib, the godparent of one’s child or parent of one’s godchildren (“god-sibling”; compare the possible Sanskrit cognate of sib: sabh?), referring to a relationship of close friendship. The Oxford English Dictionary traces the usage of godsib back as far as 1014
The Oxford English Dictionary records the use of gossip in the meaning of “idle talk; trifling or groundless rumour; tittle-tattle … [e]asy, unrestrained talk or writing, esp. about persons or social incidents” back as far as 1811.
This became a primary meaning of the word, although literary as well as everyday English can continue to use gossip in the sense of “talkative woman” (apparently a near-synonym with “godparent” in Early Modern English, the first attestation of the extended meaning of “anyone engaging in familiar or idle talk” dating from 1566). The verb to gossip dates to the early 17th century

Today, Gossip only means spreading of untruths. If you want to spread half truths, lies and true lies, here are some rules and laws:

1st Law:The spread of gossip is inversely proportional to the decibel level of the initiator.

Call someone aside and whisper to him/her and the subsequent transmission of gossip gets louder and louder.

2nd Law:The speed of secondary gossip transmission is inversely proportional to the speed of the primary communication of gossip.

Ask someone, “Do you know something?” the reply would be “No.”. Then take your own sweet time to narrate a juicy story in spicy bits and flavored pieces with measured pauses. Further transmissions of gossip would be at mind boggling speed.

3rd Law: The credibility of gossip is directly proportional to the rating of secrecy of the issue.

“Can I share with you a top secret? I got it straight from the whistle blower. Promise me that you won’t tell anyone. Strictly between you and me, OK?” This will ensure the speed, spread and credibility of gossip.

4th Law: The distortion of the details of gossip is directly proportional to the number of gossip couriers.

Tell some one that the Boss vomited something that is as black as a crow. In the evening someone else is bound to tell you, “Do you know? Our Boss-poor fellow! Vomited a crow, it seems.”

5th Law: The effectiveness of gossip is measured by the time taken for the gossip to comeback to the originator.

Tell someone that it was the chief advisor to YSR who hatched a plan to bring Chiranjeevi into active politics. The star’s party will counter any threat from TDP as well as TSR. If you follow the first, second and third laws in originating this gossip, within an hour some stranger will boast to you about the secret pact between YSR and Chiranjeevi.

6th Law: Gossip is the basic domain of idle people with agile minds and fertile imagination. Therefore, not only dreams, but gossip, like prophecy, come true.

Tell people that children born out of inter caste marriages tend to have very high IQs. Tell them that this is scientifically proved and published in Nature magazine. Who knows? Very soon marriage bureau may do roaring business in inter caste wedlock.

7th Law: Poor minds discuss people. For them gossip is worship. With each gossip ship, they set sail into un-chartered waters, spreading the gossip far and wide, until they strongly believe their own gossip to be the gospel truth.

Deen Kumar

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